Diary Of A Depressive

A random collection of my thought sad bad but just the truth

The Start

Where to start, I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I feel guilty for being like this. I have a good job, money in the bank, a nice house, awesome friends a boyfriend and some amazing pets. Yet still I am here in tears crying all the time just wanting it to be over. 

I dunno if anyone will read this to be honest its just a outlet for me to get it all out as I can’t talk to anyone. I told my bf earlier that I was going to see a psychologist and he said ok I’ll support you, I told him thanks and he made a comment about how I can thank him when I next see him. Yeah just what I want, I’m on the floor crying and hes thinking about sex. Hes blocked now on everything, I dunno why I do that so childish, its my way of pushing people away I guess.

Ok so I’ll say a bit or a lot about me. I’m 27 work in the adult industry, I was adopted, I was in foster care from the age of 1 and the people who fostered me adopted me. My real mum is a huge waste of space, Tried to have an abortion to get rid of me in the april before I was born. I was born in august. She tried to give me to the man she claimed for my dad but when he didn’t hand over his car she wouldn’t let him have me. Nice. she had 3 kids and didnt look after any of them. 

My adoptive parents are awesome, We don’t talk a lot as we are very different people but despite what they think they have brought me up with some very good values, I work very hard, and support myself 100% 

So yeah the stuff with my real mum kinda messed me up. I always have thought that if the woman who made me didn’t want me who would? Its a very destructive train of thought to be honest. But its a train that I can’t stop, and believe me I’ve tried. 

Ok so I’m gonna go do some house stuff as I’ve fallen apart these past few days but I will be back